I wrote a University chum and told her to vist my blog. She wrote back saying that she loves reading blogs, her sister's been blogging for years, but she herself don't think it's her kind of thing. Well I don't think it is mine either at first, but now I find it kind of fun. I have a place to dump all the thoughts that is running in my head and my sister has stop bugging me.

But I wish i could be as productive as my sis, she writes a lot. But I don't get online that often enough, especially nowadays. I used to be online 24/7 but as I grow older, i am no longer in its thrall. I use it now and then to email, but gone are the days when I didn't sleep just to surf and chat online.

Well the fasting month is on now, but I have been suffering from nausea ( a side effect from a pill I'm taking) and it is no fun. My sis is not having any problem, she never does. Even my lil' brother is braving it, but he's at school most of the time so it's not that difficult. I am the only one lying around moaning how weak and awful I feel.

Ok I am rambling now better sign off.

Last week  I went for an interview, so I carried a file full of my academic certificates. I was so careful, never letting the bag out of my hand. Since it was the first day of the fasting month and we are running out of grocery at home. Since the car broke down it has been hard to do normal everyday stuff like grocery shopping. So on my way back I was to stop an shop for grocerry, wait to break my fast and then go home by commuter train. 

Everything was fine except the bags were really heavy, so i found my self a trolley and then it struck, this ailment i suffer from which is so embarassing to go in detail, suffice to say I need the toilet real bad. So in my rush I dump everything in my trolley, ask the cleaning lady to keep an eye on my things and I went. But when I came out my bag which contain my file, books and some odds and ends of grocery, has disappeared.

God the file contain my whole schooling history and I can't think what good would it do for the person who stole my bag. I had my handbag snatched before, I was injured and lost my cell phone and wallet, but this is worse. I felt like a part of my life has been stolen.

Well when my handbag was snatched, someone found it been abandoned after they have taken the cash and phone, so I had everything back. Well now I pray to God that my file will get back to me somehow, because its not worth anything to anybody except for me.

I hate asking for favors or help. It is not that I don't realise that everyone needs help now and again, but it is just that I hate bothering others. I don't like the feeling that I have made them go out of their way in order to help me. That is why most of the time I keep myself self-sufficient, I have learned to do things on my own, even taught myself to do certain things so that I don't have to impose my troubles onto others apart from my family ( family's different). But there is always time that no matter how self-sufficient a person is, help is needed, and those are the time I dread most. Most of the time people are gracious about it, even surprise that it was so hard for me to ask for their help, but there are those that makes you feel small for asking their help, like it was a real imposition(no matter that it was actually a small favor) and these people make me regret ever needing help.

Well I guess that's life, and I have to learn to take this wrinkle in life as they come and deal with it, but at times I wish that it is not always so hard.

ciao

I haven't written in for quite a long time. Truth is I am without transport at the moment, my faithful old car finally gave up on me. So now it is a pain to go out unnecessarily.

Nothing much happen, my creative life is still dry, in fact I am beginning to think that I imagined that period of fertile creativity, maybe I am just plain talentless.

Another one of my childhood friend is settling down, it is not that I am not happy for them, it is just that it makes me feel like I have gotten nowhere with my life, professional and personal wise.

Well as can be seen with this entry my thoughts are rambling around from one topic to another, no focus, and if this is one of my students essay,  I would grade them really bad. But what the heck freewriting is one of my favourite technique to generate idea, so I am letting myself go from all the rules that tend to guide my life.

I read my sister's blog and frankly I think hers is more interesting, she has so much to say wheras I grapple with what to write and seems to blunder around in the dark.

Well I am too down on myself today to let this continue.

ciao.