I left my brother crying his heart out this morning as I had to go to work. He was frightened of being left at home with my manic sister. Even the the thought that his mom will be there didn't calm him down enough, because it was not long ago when he was crying because she was high (My mom's schizophrenic and my sis have bipolar affective disorder), so he doesn't trust her enough. I couldn't bring him to work of course and there's nothing i could do except tell him to hang on and be strong, I know he's only nine, but he's got to learn to handle this like i have, my mom's been sick my whole life and there were times when I was young I was left to look after her and it has not affected me that badly.

Alas I went to work crying, thinking of my poor brother who is so frightened that he was crying like there was no tomorrow. I wish I could quit and look after the home front again but we need the money. Oh God! Where can I find enough money so that I don't have to work and look after my family properly.

Well there are times I wonder what was it did I do to deserve such suffering but then I read  the paper and read about what other people are facing and I know that I am blessed. But it is so hard to be optimistic when you haven't been asleep for three days because your sister has  been roaming the house all night long mutterring God knows what!

I had this week planned so that I could mark all the students homework, but I had invigilations so once my day is interupted I never got the chance to take out my bag and start marking. I hope I will find the time to mark them before this week is over.

We are going out to a costume shop today because in about two weeks we are going to have an annual dinner and it has a theme (Heroes and Villains), the whole of the office have been racking our brains as to what we can go as. Well today we are going to browse and if that doesn't work, I have suggested going as the three witches from Macbeth ( We just need a black costume and black conical hat) but the question is do we want to?

Well this week so far hasn't been good to me, and it did not help by me having the dream of having a boyfriend ( oh, god it seem so real the dream that it hurts when I woke up). I guess whenever there's an upheaval in my life this longing only get stronger cos I just need someone to hold me through the storm raging in my life.

I don't understand others passion about shoes. I have stick to my pair of sandals for so long that I am not comfortable even in a pair of sneakers what more formal shoes with heels. My family never had to guess what I will be buying to replace my worn out sandals, it will either be the same pair or something similar. But since I am teaching again and had to go to the convocation, formal shoes are required, went shoping and with great reluctance bought it. Tried to break it in one day at work, half a day I gave up, changed back to my regular footwear, but my feet have already suffered and ended up with sore swollen feet.

Today was the day, I had to wear it, decided to take the train instead of driving because the parking rates where there are holding this dig was attrocious, had a late start, as I was walking to the bridge that connects to the other side of the platform, the train arrive, I ran in my barely broken new shoes, I didn't catch the train, just got the start of an aching feet. The day didn't get any better, I thought I was late but it seem I had to wait for more than an hour and a half before the thing started. Then it was endless hours of speech after speech and finally the convocation ceremony, at least I was sitting so was able to slip my feet out off the shoes and I noticed every single lady in my row had done the same thing. Well now I know why we women have these penchant to get into hard times, it seem we enjoy torturing ourselves, starting with our feet of course.

Ever since I started driving, my dad has been cautioning me to be careful. He never missed a chance in showing me an accident that happened on the road (usually while I am driving) and telling me what mistake the driver had commit to end that way. I guess thanks to my dad and my vivid imagination I haven't been in a serious acccident yet. I have this image of what will happen whenever I did something a bit dangerous or someone dangerously cut me off, I will have a full gory color image of what might have happenned if I hadn't be more alert or reacted defensively. I guess this imagination of mine had saved me a countless of time, because after each replay of violent end I could have met on the road I become more alert and careful. I don't care if my dad tease me that I drive so carefully like a Japanese widow (don't ask me what he means, I still don't get it), as long as that I never have to face a horrible accident of my own.

Well I guess if everone else on the road has as vivvid as an imagination like mine, the road will be a safer place. My dad told me it is not my driving that he is worried about, but all the other 'idiots' out there. Well if I could suggest an addition to the syllabus of defensive driving is to teach them how to imagine what it will look like if an accident happen because of their careless action. It is a surefire way to make everyone more aware of the consequences of carelessness.

The other day as I was driving home I saw the end of a big rainbow in my rearview mirror. It was beautiful, the colours was vivid and bright. Then I stopped at a petrol station and just for a moment I marvel at God's greatness and I felt peaceful. It was a miracle that took away all my troubles, and I whisper a prayer of gratefulness. Then as I drive towards my home, miracle of miracle, I saw the other end of the rainbow and its less subtantial shadow.

I felt blessed that day. Well it takes just a small miracle of a rainbow to take away my troubles that day.

What can I say today? Nothing special happens today. Got trough a bad traffic jam this morning, luckily I wasn't late to work. Had class, gave the kids a lecture on adverbs and then set them to work in groups. Waiting for my evening class now. I saw a friend start her blog today. let her read mine. Quite exciting.

Well as you can see my life is moving at a snail pace today. I tried to read but I am too sleepy to concentrate. I don't know how I am going to get through a 2 hour class today. I desperately need sleep.

Maybe if I play a game online I might wake up enough to last till 7. Ugh not looking forward to the jam.

What is it that makes people fall in love? I was in relationship once, I am not sure whether it was based on love or something else. It might have been he filled the emptinees in my life.  But when the guy end it quite cruelly in an email of blame, I cried. But till now I can't figure whether it was my heart that was broken or my pride that was bruised?

I am now 28, and my friends are mostly married with children, and I don't even have a boyfriend. My parents kept telling me that someday I'll meet that special someone, and I don't have to rush or worry. He will be waiting and I'll meet him just around the corner, but I have turn many corners, and still my prince has not come. Where can he be?

I am not feeling alright. I have this blinding headache and there is still like hours to go before I could go home and sleep this headache off. I suffer fro this headaches since I was a kid. Nothing seem to work, If i take paracetemol it'll subside but it is there in the background, I hate taking too much painkiller, I don't want to be dependent on them. What seem to work is massage, but not any massage but the one my dad does, which is so hard it really get blood flowing back through my circulation. Anyone knows of any good way to get rid of a headache.

I hope I could go to my favorite bookstore tomorrow, I'm out of books. My need to read is increasing nowadays, which is not a good sign to my emotional state but I don't care I am going to keep on reading until I feel ok. It is my only medication against the darkness of my emotions. Mom and sis mumbles about taking medication, but they should try it like me and see how difficult it is to keep crazy thought away, I am always in a constant battle to keep things normal and not let myself out of control.

My sister is coming home today, after nearly three weeks in the hospital. I can't wait to go back and see her. I missed having her at home. Well I hope she is okay.

My classes started, the kids are okay, but as always teaching grammar is not fun for me but since I have to I am trying to make it easy and fun for the students. But somehow it still seems dull to me. Well anyone out there have any bright idea on how to make grammar fun?

I am so bored these days, I keep finishing my books to soon, and the gap of buying trip is getting longer and longer. I wish its the end of the months so I'll get my paycheque and I could stock up on reading materials.

I have send so many poems lately but the thing is I did not saved any, I think if I collect all the stuff I have written on the spot online I would have enough for a book. Well maybe one of these day I'll do that, but where can I send them. How do you get an agent anyway?

I have been trying to find a site which accept original work like short story or poetry and pay for it. I want to try my luck selling my work but so far I didn't see one there are plenty of site where I could publish my work online but its all for free. Is there a site that provide address to magazine that accept literary work? It would be helpful to budding writer everywhere , especially for people where publication in English is quite rare.

It is always nice to be paid for your writing isn't it. I had poems publish but all for free. I even have to buy a copy myself if I want it for my collection. Well if anyone know anywhere that I could publish and be paid, do dend me the address,