What is life without a few down moments eh? Well this week my company is holding an annual dinner and it's a theme dinner. We have to go either as a hero or a villain, and I don't know what to wear, so I decided to wear all black and claim to be the black widow.

Well I am still alone, if you're wondering, back when I would have been known as a spinster, but I guess it is quite normal for ladies to marry at 31 or 32 nowadays, since I am not yet 30, there is still hope for me.

I am not too busy nowadays, class is going on, and it seems to be ok. I am flying by the seat of my pants of course, reading up just before class. But skills I have learned all my life of thinking on the spot helped. What do I know about Philosophy of Education? Not much, I have slept through the class and now I am teaching it. Life has a way of throwing you a curve doesn't it? Well thank god for internet and books, I could at least pretend I know more than the students do.

Some people is going to think I am crazy, but I missed the days when I was looking after my baby brother. I love looking after babies, I don't mind those late night feeding or changing, actually I love everything that involve with babies. I wish for a baby sometimes, like I wished for my lil bro, but wishes seldom come true for me. Well one of these days when God will grant my wish I am going to be the happiest person alive.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about my, how do I put it hmm...., i guess partnerless would do, well that's it, I can't help feeling this emptiness, that it has even invade my dream world. For nights I have been dreaming of this need to be held. After my last disastrous experience with a man I am not looking forward to another relationship, but as time pass me by with a lot of couples going right in front of my eyes, I feel so alone and so left behind.

Well the thing is I think it's all my fault, my inability to trust man have me putting up defence to deflect any interest coming my way, and I am so adept and so used to this I can't stop.

My dad told me I have to decide soon, how I want it, if I want to marry I better soften my attitude, if not than it is okay, I could go on as I am right now. The thing is I don't know, deep inside I know I need someone to love me but dare I open my heart to the cold cruel hard world I don't know. I really don't know! 

So much for not being busy. The thing is I was not busy but things just came up and before I know it, it has been a while since I have written anything on the blog. At the momment I am in the midst of writing a paper for a conference, I am so glad that I still have the touch, the words are flowing like honey and I hope it will achieve what I want it to achieve.

Last weekend I went on holiday with two friends from work, we had a marvelous time. They threw a surprise belated birthday celebrations with delicious cake, funny candles, and interesting presents. I finally received Davinci's Code (I have been debating about buying it, but it has always been out of my budget), Thanks Kak Limah. What made it all special was that it was by the seaside and I always love being by the sea.

That was our last hurray, coz class starts on Monday. Well so far as I met with my students they seem to be a good bunch of kids, I hope things will be allright this sem.