Lately I have been thinking a lot about my, how do I put it hmm...., i guess partnerless would do, well that's it, I can't help feeling this emptiness, that it has even invade my dream world. For nights I have been dreaming of this need to be held. After my last disastrous experience with a man I am not looking forward to another relationship, but as time pass me by with a lot of couples going right in front of my eyes, I feel so alone and so left behind.

Well the thing is I think it's all my fault, my inability to trust man have me putting up defence to deflect any interest coming my way, and I am so adept and so used to this I can't stop.

My dad told me I have to decide soon, how I want it, if I want to marry I better soften my attitude, if not than it is okay, I could go on as I am right now. The thing is I don't know, deep inside I know I need someone to love me but dare I open my heart to the cold cruel hard world I don't know. I really don't know!